Frustrating challenges and personal milestones...

I realize that it has been a while since I have posted anything, but really I did not have much to say. For a good part of the Holiday season and the better part of January I was dealing with some health issues that really took me out of the normal training routine that I had been working so hard on creating and maintaining. I found myself very frustrated and wondering if I would be able to actually get all the training in that I need to run the marathon in April. The side effects of me being out of "the game" for pretty much a solid three weeks has created some significant obstacles for me do overcome. Namely; my pace which was in/around a 9.30 to an easy 10.00 has changed to an easy 11.50-11.30 and a more challenging 10.30-10.50 pace. Of course this is due in part to the fact that I managed to put on about 5 lbs while I was sick, as well as the cigarettes coming back into my life while I found myself dealing with extremely frustrating health-related issues. (Smart....I know!!) So, this has left me with a slower, sluggish-feeling pace....and even though I am trying to get the smoking thing back under control this week, my breathing is labored, and a times painful.

All of this is challenging enough for me to deal with alone, but the real frustating issue is that while I was "out of the loop", my running partner was still able to train; which leaves us in different stages of fitness. The hard part for me is not that she was able to keep going; because I would have done the same if the tables had been turned. And, she is doing really well, and has achieved a great endurance and pace level - which I am truly excited for her and her biggest cheer leader. The hard part is that I can see just how difficult it is for her to have patience with me, when she knows that she could be pushing so much harder than I am able to do right at the moment. She has been as gracious as she can be, but I can tell at times when i need to slow down my pace or even take extra walking breaks, that she gets irritated from time to time. Who can blame her? That would be a lot to deal with espescially after not even having a runnning buddy for most of January, to make personal strides that one can be proud of, and then to have to slow it down, just when you are feeling like you have the wind in your sails! I really understand, honestly i do.

I just don't know what else I can do, other than have patience for myself, and do what I can do to push and train smart so that I can get back to where I once was, and still be ready for the marathon without injury. I know that she and I will more than likely finish at different times on race day, and that is alright and always has been, she is much more petite than I, and a couple years younger with more running experience.
What feels like huge accomplishments for me at this point (after having been side-lined unvoluntarily), are not accomplishments for her, and I do not want her to feel held back by me in any way!

I know there are days where she would rather run alone so that she doesn't have to "wait" on me, and there are probably days where I would rather run alone and feel great about hitting a goal, instead of feeling badly that she didn't hit hers. I just wish I knew that I will be back up to speed in another week or so. That way, I could say..."well, I am almost there, just "x" amount of days and you'll see...I won't be a burden to your pace any longer". But that is uncertain, and I can only work hard, hope for the training to pay off sooner than later, keep hitting my training goals, and cut myself some slack.

I know that there will be a few more frustrating days before I feel as though they are behind me, and that is simply going to have to be okay. If it is not, I will undertsand and do whatever I need to do for me. My goal is unchanged, "It's not about winning, it's about finishing", this is more true now than ever...it is my first marathon, and it may not be pretty by certain standards. But, it will be mine.


Quote for today: "It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up"

B.